Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
