Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
