did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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