"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
