I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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