Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
