Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
