meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
