Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
