I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
