All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my shit smells like andre
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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