So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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