wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
