I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
