Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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