How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
