Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
