that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
