And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
