So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
