Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
