If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the day after is always just damage control
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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