Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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