butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
