if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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