your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
