Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
