taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
