Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have fence marks all over my body
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
