Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
