This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
