I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
