I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
