I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
