winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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