remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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