i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
