Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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