I am in a vortex of obligation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
