well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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