Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
