lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
