After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
