So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
