I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
