Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When are your genitals available?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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