I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
