She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
