you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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