dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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