To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
